Look Ma! No Hands!

Its been a while, I know. And from my heart, I send you my deepest condolences. I should tell you, however, that a lot of things have changed since the last time I posted here. 

1. A while back, I mentioned I volunteered at a senior's home. One of the men there (I think I told you about the man who had cancer), past away around the end of August. I miss him a lot.
2. I stopped volunteering at the senior's home. Being there, with all the memories of the people that I grew to love was starting to get a little more difficult than I could handle. After two years there, I finished up. As a bonus, they sent me a little gift card to my local movie theater, which was kind of them.
3. I'm in the process of getting a new volunteering job in my area. People, I've learned, are insanely difficult to work with. Don't give up, though, because you'll find a good enough person sooner or later.

And, probably the biggest change of all...

    4.   I GOT A THERAPIST! (cue cheers)

That's right, friends. I got myself a wonderful therapist who helped me through so many of the terrible thoughts that started coming back to me and it was all amazing and life started looking up again!
Then, IT happened.
One night, I missed an appointment. It was all just one big miscommunication and an accident, totally unintentional. So, she was called. And called. And called. But she never called back, never rescheduled an appointment and I haven't seen her now since October. It kind of stinks that the one woman that was kind of like my life preserver left me to drown. Little did she know, however, that she threw me enough rope to pull myself back to shore. I still have to fall asleep at night with the television on to cope with hard thoughts, but I've learned how to deal with my anxiety during the day. She was also the one that convinced me it was a good idea to leave the senior's home, and I think that was a wise decision.

In this post, I've talked so much about myself, I haven't given you much advice. Here's the thing: Keep on keeping on. I've heard that before, I can't remember where, but it's pretty awesome, isn't it? My therapist left me for a reason, but I had her long enough that I can deal. I can handle myself pretty well on a day to day basis, and some of that is because of her. But the rest is from the strength of myself, my friends and my family. We kept on keeping on, and didn't stop living because of nothing. Life isn't amazing right now, but it is so much better, you wouldn't believe.

I have some awesome tips for tomorrow, so don't you worry your little soul about that. Elizabeth's back, friends!

Kisses and Hugs (I've never liked xoxo),
Elizabeth 

My Poetry (or an attempt, anyway)

So fresh, unbearable
Searing pain in my chest.
It builds and grows to eat me whole.
I don't think I can do this anymore.

My eyes fall shut, my tears drip down,
My senses sharp, my feelings profound.
I lose my grip, my hold on life,
As daytime fades to the dreaded night.

My future flashes before my eyes,
The fear and pain of my demise.
I feel my heart clenching in my chest,
Fears filled with agony at their best.

So that's my attempt at poetry. I know I already posted today, but I felt bad just promoting myself and not actually helping anybody who was reading, so here you go. I wrote this once when I was in the middle of a panic attack and I really just needed to release. I was crying and scared but more than anything, I wanted to remember exactly how I felt and what I did to help myself. 

Now, so I can communicate with you all better, leave me a comment telling me how you deal with your anxiety, maybe leave a little something you might've written and tell me what you think of my poetic release. Just please, try not to be too mean!

Yours in Horrible Poetry,

Elizabeth